Have you ever felt so lost you didn’t know what to do? You didn’t know what to do for the best to make everyone else happy? Didn’t know what to do to make yourself happy? Torn between the two? It is probably something you don’t realise until you’re in that situation?

For me….it’s whether or not I stay out here in Australia, or I fly home and go back to the job I pretty much left and get to see my friends and family more often. Surely that sounds more appealing than staying out in Australia for Christmas and New Year on my own right?

Wrong! I don’t know which sounds more appealing right now. One thing I have learned is that no matter where you jet off to round the world, the world moves on without you! You hear less and less from those back home as you lead a nomadic lifestyle. Sure, those best friends will be those you hear from throughout your journey etc but there is still a sense of loneliness as it isn’t as much as you used to talk.

Take for example the fact I’m travelling with my other half Nathan. Tonight, he is in the living room watching something on the TV, whilst I’m in the bedroom listening to the rain, writing to you guys listening to ‘Imagine Dragons.’ Don’t get me wrong, I love the view across the water from me but it also instills a loneliness in me. Maybe it is because I need to make a decision to stay or fly home? Do I miss home?

The answer is of course YES!! Do I miss my bed? YES! Do I miss my family and friends? YES! But will I be happy going home to the same (pretty much) job doing the same thing I was doing back in April? Probably not….

It seems no matter where I go, what I see, how early or late I go to bed, I can’t shake the feeling of unfulfilment. Ridiculous I know because we have done so much over the last seven and a half months, but still, a feeling can’t be wrong? I’m not spoiled, I have worked my absolute ass off to be able to take time out from work for however long. I have had a one way ticket booked before and never went because work asked me to do something else and I had my second trip planned, again and went on to continue working. So you can forgive me for wanting to be absolutely sure about going home, back to that, before committing…

I’m meant to be going back to work two weeks today. I fly home Thursday but I’m sure as hell taking a week off before going back to what I was doing before. I don’t want that feeling of being able to do what I want when I want to end!

The world categorically goes on when you’re away. No matter how hard you try to keep in touch with those back home, their lives take priority over keeping in contact with you! Travelling with someone 24/7 can also take its toll so those conversations with those back home become all the more important!

I feel so unbelievably lost and alone right now as I write this that I have zero idea what to do for the best! Going home to a job means money and seeing those I have missed but is life ever the same after you have been away for almost 8 months…

Are the smells the same? The sights? The conversations you envisaged having? Probably not! The plans you had? Everything has changed…

Until next time…

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